Script Third Draft

Grim Up North

By

Ben Robinson

Fade In:

Tracking shot of an old train going down a track late at night followed by a voiceover while the scene slowly goes onto the empty train carriages.  Different shots of a town showing graffiti and vandalism.    

Noel (V.O)

Same old routine week after week, boring town with nothing to do apart from either going out causing trouble, getting pissed or sitting in your bedroom on your computer playing video games.  I think it’s time for a change.

QUICK-CUT to train station following a small rough looking character walking out of the station, dark cold night non-diegetic modern music playing

Alex (V.O)

Working all the time, getting money blowing it on stupid things that’s the story of my life and many others

QUICK-CUT to the local supermarket with a point of view shot from the front of a trolley approaching a tall skinny character whos facial expressions hint that he isn’t happy

Barry (V.O)

College work, exams and all the rest of the stress is just a number of things that we have to put up with

QUICK-CUT to the local college with a character on sat behind a desk daydreaming while listening to a teacher the non-diegetic sound fades out….

Mr Grieves

Barry? Are you listening?

Barry

Yes! Sorry just had other things on my mind…

QUICK-CUT to earlier on in the day where all three characters are gathered together in the town centre all sat in a busy fried chicken takeaway  

Noel

You’ll never believe it lads I’ve just got 60 quid!  Now the question is what do I spend the money on

Barry

What from? Who from?

Noel

The dole 60 quid for sitting on my arse all day doing what I want I can’t complain at that one so what’s the plan for tonight so I can spend this wonga?

Alex

Yea but sitting on the dole all day inside must be boring go get a proper job heard my place are taking people on, and think I might stay in tonight

Noel

Fuck that, you’re 20 not 50 we need to be out there on the ‘sesh!’

Barry

Sounds good but I only have a tenner, student life an all that

Noel

You’ll be ‘reyt if times get tough I might lend you some, but we can’t have Alex selling us out all because he has work tomorrow 

Alex

Fine chill out lads I’ll be there but I’m not staying out long

Barry

‘Yolo’

Noel

What the fuck did you just say?

Barry

Yolo? You Only Live Once it’s a saying…

Noel

A saying for if you’re bent or have a screw loose, never say that again

Barry

Right sorry ‘dad’ it’s not my fault I get educated unlike some, where we going tonight then?  

Both Noel and Alex laugh at Barry

Alex

Yea sounds good this time no more trouble I can’t be arsed with all the shit like last time especially with them lads from the other side of town

Noel

The music is shit but there’s plenty of talent lets do it get ourselves in ‘liquid’ and no hopefully this time Jacob and his pathetic gang will stay out of our way

Barry

Talent? If by talent you mean horrible looking girls that don’t know the difference between left and right.

  QUICK-CUT to the later on in the evening where all three characters are a old pub, busy pub with lots of diegetic chatter from other characters

Noel

Right let the fun begin, who is getting the first round in?

Sally (Barmaid)

You got any I.D?

Noel

I’m 21! And you know me anyway

Sally (Barmaid)

Ohh yea you were in my year, Noel isn’t it?

Noel

Yeaa the one that didn’t speak much or really do anything

Sally

I remember you didn’t say a word to you when we was in school, weird

Noel

I know now look at you, you’re alright now

Sally

Oi cheeky! What you having?

Noel

Sorry couldn’t resist and three pints of larger please

Sally (Barmaid)

Best watch out there’s something dodgy going on outside I think, where you off too tonight?

Noel

Liquid sadly by the looks of it

Sally

(laughs) why on earth are you going there?  Saying that a few mates of mine have asked me to go after I finish here tonight so I might see you in there

As all the characters start drinking the sound of loud police sirens and a police helicopter can be heard outside

Alex

What do you think that is?  Sounds like something serious and close!

Barry

Lets check it out it’s not exactly exciting in here

All the characters leave the pub quickly downing their drinks while quickly jogging out of the pub

QUICK-CUT to outside the pub on the streets where there are lots of Police in riot clothing

Noel

Wow must be something big lets get closer

Police Officer 1

Sorry lads you can’t go any further

Noel

Why?  It’s a free country what’s happened?

Police Officer 1

It might be but at this time you aren’t going up this road!

Alex

Come on Noel leave it

All of the characters walk away while the loud sounds of smashing glass and cheering can be heard in the distant

Alex

Come on there’s another way round

Barry

Are you two stupid, whatever he said don’t go in or any further

Noel

I’m not missing this something finally going on and not seeing it! 

QUICK-CUT to up the street where there is a small riot taking place between two sets of football fans

Barry

I’m going home I don’t fancy me head getting kicked in or being burnt to death by a bunch of bald headed idiots

Alex

Stay! Don’t be a big girl

Noel

Here lets go down here…

QUICK-CUT to a dark back alley between houses with a bright light in the distance

Barry

What’s that light?

Noel

It looks like a light but it’s all blurred and a weird colour

Alex

Obviously!

Noel

Shut up Alex let’s get down there and check it out!

As all the characters are slowly walking down the back alley a hooded character tall with just the bottom of his face showing looks strange, runs past

Hooded Man

Run!

Barry

Come on aren’t you guys listening to him?!

Noel

No we have come this far now we have to check it out

As they approach the bright white light the characters are all blinded and dazed

QUICK-CUT to Noels’ house where all the characters are sat on the chairs asleep and are woke by the TV showing a bright white light

Noel

What the hell has just happened?!

Alex

Was that a dream?

Barry

It couldn’t be how did we get here and we are all having the same dream?

Noel

You lads I remember what I did well I think, we were walking towards that bright light in that ginnel

Alex

Yes!

Barry

It’s impossible things like this just don’t happen

Noel

Does anyone else feel weird? I feel pissed but haven’t even drunk anything

Alex

No nothing?

Barry

Right I think we need to find out what that was in the back alley

Noel

Yea but how?

Alex

Lets go back there now?

Noel

Fine! Come on quick!

QUICK-CUT to the back ally with all three characters slowly approaching it

All the characters approach the back ally with caution

Noel

There’s nothing here!

Alex

Keep looking there must be something

Barry

Even the football crowd have gone there’s just no explanation for this

Police Officer approaches the group of lads

Police Officer 1

So what are you boys doing down here?

Noel

Aren’t you the one that told us to go away before? What happened to the football fans?

Police Officer 1

I can’t remember, now what are you doing down here?

Police Officer 1

Now there’s nothing happened now can you please go home or go somewhere else apart from hanging around the streets and in ally ways

Noel

Fine lets go back to mine

 QUICK-CUT back to Noels’ house

Barry

Well it can only be one thing then…

Alex

Go on….

Barry

We teleported or somehow used some sort of unrealistic power

Noel

Impossible!

Alex

It might sounds like a load of bollocks but he has got a point, how else could we have got from there to here without even walking?

Noel

There will be something!

Alex

I saw this show once where something like this happened and they all had different ‘powers’

Noel

‘Powers’?!  You’re making us sound like we’re Batman and Robin!  Grow up

Alex

Really? Well watch that

Alex picks up a lighter from the table and throws it straight at Noels’ head

Noel

Oww! What do you think you’re doing you dickhead?!

Noel then gets up going to attack Alex just as he does…

QUICK-CUT to Alexs’ to a small bedroom which is Alex’s bedroom

Alex

Where am I?  This is my room!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house where him and Barry are sat there

Barry

He has gone again?! It must be him

Noel

Wow now I am starting to believe your rubbish, quick ring him!

Barry gets his mobile phone out to ring Alex

QUICK-CUT back to Alexs’ house

His phone is ringing in his pocket which he rushes to get

Alex

Hello, you will never believe it!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house

Barry

Where are you?!

QUICK-CUT back to Alexs’ house

Alex

Back in my house I did it again! It’s me I must be able to do it!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house

Barry

Get back round here then!

QUICK-CUT back to Alexs’ house

Alex

I can’t control it I don’t know how it happens?!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house

Barry

Well Walk

QUICK-CUT back to Alex’s house

Alex

Right I’ll be back round in a bit

QUICK-CUT to Noels’ house

Noel

Well if he can do something I’m sure we can

Barry

I think it has something to do with that light!

Noel

Yea not a bad thought! What do we do?  Go out still hi the town

Barry

Yeah! Still would be good I’m up for it as it’s a Saturday

Alex comes into the room

Alex

You see it lads?! I was here then I was gone

Noel

Yea we saw! That doesn’t mean I still won’t smack you

Alex

That’s what it must be at the minute when I’m in danger I move places somehow! 

Noel

Just shows how much of a wimp you are!

Alex

Shut up I don’t see you doing anything special

Noel

You never know in time anyway coming town?  See what happens there you never know you might be disappearing all the time with the sight of girls

Alex

Aha very funny! And Yeah I will do

Noel

Lets see what magic we’re in for tonight…

QUICK-CUT a busy town centre at night, the camera edits between different clips showing people walking around the streets dressed to go out and drunk, the camera the follows the three characters as they are walking towards an old, worn down building.

Noel

Let’s hope that idiot Jacob isn’t out tonight or we’re all in for an eventful night!

Alex

Yea I can’t be bothered with fighting especially after all that has happened to us today

As the characters are talking about this a loud crowd of men are shouting from the opposite side of the street

Jacob

Oi you lot!

Barry

You were just saying….

Jacob

Don’t you dare ignore me you worthless dorks

Noel

What do you want now?! (Shouting across the street)

Barry

What have you done that for Noel?!

Noel

I’ve had enough of him giving us crap and us not saying anything back, all because he hangs around with a bunch of meat heads he thinks he is one of them

Jacob a small man lots of spots currently wearing a full tracksuit walks across the road towards the three characters

Jacob

What were you saying?

Noel

What do you want from us now?

Jacob

You were staring at me and I don’t like people that stare

Noel

I didn’t look your way once why would I want to look at a ugly mug like you

Jacob

Oh you’re going to regret that one I’ll see you in liquid and it might be the last time you see me

Jacob strolls back across the road towards the large group of lads with a large smirk on his face

As he is walking away Noel holds his head in pain while hearing a quiet sound of Jacobs voice saying “they’re dead, going down as soon as they get in liquid”

Noel

Ouch!  My head

Barry

What? You handled that one perfectly now we’re going to get killed!

Noel

I just heard his voice like his thoughts in my head

Barry

Not another one it all sounds pathetic!

Noel

Really I heard what he was thinking saying we’re going to get hit as soon as we enter the club ‘liquid’

Alex

Well I’m no longer the special one   

Barry

Clearly not now I feel the odd one out

As the characters all are talking Noel starts to sway and collapses to the floor

Alex

Shit! Get him up see if he is ok

Both Alex and Barry run and pick him up, Noel eyes slowing open

Noel

It just went black and all I could hear was people’s voice and thoughts

Alex

Well you can’t go out if this is going to keep happening

Noel

I’ll be fine I think I’ll keep soldiering on and trying to control this

Barry

Well if it happens again we’re going home

Noel

Lets get in there see what happens!

Focus Group Results

After coming up with five questions I then asked five people to answer the questions honestly to see in any way how i could improve my script and if they could give me any extra ideas that i could include in the script for my next draft.  Here are the results and answers from the five people i asked all five people where in the target audience that I thought the TV show would suit.

My favourite character is Barry as he seems to be the innocent one who doesn’t want to get into trouble whereas the other two characters seem to be more aggressive and tougher. 

Yes it would be better to see more characters in the script as there aren’t that many characters in the script so far.  Characters like their girlfriends or family members could be included. 

The powers they should have are being able to fly like a superhero or being able to read peoples mind as this will provide lots of humour in seeing what people are thinking. 

The current locations are suitable but maybe the inclusion of different places like a football ground or somewhere where there is lots of people gathered. 

I would like to see what happens when the characters go into the town centre maybe then the other characters start to see what powers or abilities they have got. 

 

The best character is Noel as he is like the bad character of the group and seems to be the one that gets into trouble there should be more characters like him. 

More characters would make it better because there will be more storylines happening in the script causing more excitement and making it more interesting.  Maybe more people their age would make it better.

They shouldn’t have powers and the only person with the power should be Alex and he should use it to his advantage because if everyone has a power it will just get silly. 

The current locations are ok but could be made better with the inclusion of more people in the places and scenes.

It would be good to see all their families and more of their friends to see what happens with all of them.

 The best character is Noel as he is the more lively one and doesn’t take any abuse or anything from anyone else and is like a bad character too. 

Not really as if you add more characters with the same sort of powers or special abilities it will get too much and be like ‘Misfits’ 

I think you should look at an example of the TV show ‘Heroes’ and use some of the ideas of powers that they use on there.

More locations with more people gathered there and maybe out in the local parks and places in their area.

It would be good to see a bully or an enemy of one of the three characters in the script.

 

The best character is Alex I think this because he is a mixture of the other two characters not being too serious but also knowing his limits and he has the power.

An enemy of the three boys would be good to cause trouble or more excitement between them all or a girlfriend. 

Maybe like mind reading as that would be good as you could make anything up at what people are thinking.

Maybe different locations like in the town centre or other peoples houses.

 

I think it will be good to see the other two characters have powers as there will be more going on in the script.

 

All the characters are the same I don’t really have a favourite as I would like to know more about them and what they do.

More characters would be good but don’t give them these powers as it will be too much and it will just all go stupid. 

A good power might be like make it like Kick Ass where all three characters have powers and dress up to fight crime in the area. 

Places where there could be trouble and show lots of crime to make it more exciting.

Like I said before make all three characters have powers and fight crime or anything that is happening in the area.  

After reading through the answers to the focus group questions I have gained plenty of new ideas such as i like the idea that the other two characters will have some sort of powers and to make them realize they can do something for the local community and maybe try fighting crime or solving problems in the area that they live in.  This idea could work as it would make it more exciting but also could bring an element of comedy into the script as three young men dressing up in superhero costumes and saving the community isn't a normal thing to do.   

Another good idea from the focus group questions is having an enemy/bully included into the script that one or all of the characters don't get on with creating a binary opposite which is always good in a TV show.  One thing i did learn is that not to get carried away with adding too many characters with special abilities or powers as most of the people I asked didn't like the idea of too many characters being able to have them as it would get too much.  

Finally i will take these results and include some of the ideas and information i have gathered on my next draft of my script. 

Focus Group Questions

1.        Which character in the script do you prefer and why?  How could they be improved?

2.        Are there any more characters that you would like to see in the storyline?  If So what type of characters would you like to see parents? Teachers? 

3.        What sort of powers do you want the other two main characters to have and that I should include on the next script?

4.        Which locations would you like to see and are the current locations suitable to the storyline?

5.        What do you want to happen next in the story?  Meet more people?  What do you want the characters to do with the powers?

Script Second Draft

It’s Grim Up T’North

By

Ben Robinson

Fade In:

Tracking shot of an old train going down a track late at night followed by a voiceover while the scene slowly goes onto the empty train carriages.  Different shots of a town showing graffiti and vandalism.    

Noel (V.O)

Same old routine week after week, boring town with nothing to do apart from either going out causing trouble, getting pissed or sitting in your bedroom on your computer playing video games.  I think it’s time for a change.

QUICK-CUT to train station following Noel walking out of the station, dark cold night non-diegetic music playing

Alex (V.O)

Working all the time, getting money blowing it on stupid things that’s the story of my life and many others

QUICK-CUT to the local supermarket with a point of view shot from the front of a trolley approaching a character

Barry (V.O)

College work, exams and all the rest of the stress is just a number of things that we have to put up with

QUICK-CUT to the local college with a character on sat behind a desk daydreaming while listening to the teacher

Mr Grieves

Barry? Are you listening?

Barry

Yes! Sorry just had other things on my mind…

QUICK-CUT to earlier on in the day where all three characters are gathered together in the town centre all sat in a busy takeaway

Noel

You’ll never believe it lads I’ve just got 60 quid!

Barry

What from? Who from?

Noel

The dole 60 quid for sitting on my arse all day doing what I want I can’t complain at that one so what’s the plan for tonight so I can spend this wonga?

Alex

Think I might stay in, got to be up early tomorrow for an early shift

Noel

Fuck that, you’re 20 not 50 we need to be out there on the ‘sesh!’

Barry

Sounds good but I only have a tenner, student life an all that

Noel

You’ll be ‘reyt, but we can’t have Alex selling us out all because he has work tomorrow 

Alex

Fine chill out lads I’ll be there

Barry

‘Yolo’

Noel

What the fuck did you just say?

Barry

Yolo? You Only Live Once it’s a saying…

Noel

A saying for if you’re bent or have a screw loose, never say that again

Barry

Right sorry, where we going then to the club?

Alex

Yea sounds good this time no more trouble I can’t be arsed with all the shit like last time

Noel

The music is shit but there’s plenty of talent lets do it

  QUICK-CUT to the later on in the evening where all three characters are in the pub

Noel

Right let the fun begin…

Sally (Barmaid)

You got any I.D?

Noel

I’m 21! But here…

Sally (Barmaid)

I still have to check, so what are you having lads?

Noel

Three pints of larger cheers

As all the characters start drinking the sound of loud police sirens and a police helicopter can be heard outside

Alex

What do you think that is?  Sounds like something serious and close!

Barry

Lets check it out it’s not exactly exciting in here

QUICK-CUT to outside the pub on the streets where there are lots of Police in riot clothing

Noel

Wow must be something big lets get closer

Police Officer 1

Sorry lads you can’t go any further

Noel

Why?  It’s a free country what’s happened?

Police Officer 1

It might be but at this time you aren’t going up this road!

Alex

Come on Noel leave it

All of the characters walk away while the loud sounds of smashing glass and cheering can be heard in the distant

Alex

Come on there’s another way round

Barry

Are you two stupid, thick whatever he said don’t go in or any further

Noel

I’m not missing this something finally going on and not seeing it! 

QUICK-CUT to up the street where there is a small riot taking place between two sets of football fans

Barry

I’m going home I don’t fancy me head getting kicked in or being burnt to death by a bunch of bald headed idiots

Alex

Stay! Don’t be a big girl

Noel

Here lets go down here…

QUICK-CUT to a dark back alley between houses with a bright light in the distance

Barry

What’s that light?

Noel

It looks like a light 

Alex

Obviously!

Noel

Shut up Alex let’s get down there and check it out!

As all the characters are slowly walking down the back alley a hooded character runs past

Hooded Man

Run!

Barry

Come on aren’t you guys listening to him?!

Noel

No we have come this far now we have to check it out

As they approach the bright white light the characters are all blinded and dazed

QUICK-CUT to Noels’ house where all the characters are sat on the chairs asleep and are awaken by the TV showing a bright white light

Noel

What the hell has just happened?!

Alex

Was that a dream?

Barry

It couldn’t be how did we get here?

Noel

You lads remember what I did?  Walking towards that bright light in that ginnel now ending up in my house?

Alex

Yes!

Barry

It’s impossible things like this just don’t happen

Noel

Does anyone else feel weird? I feel pissed but haven’t even drunk anything

Alex

No nothing?

Barry

Right I think we need to find out what that was in the back alley

Noel

Yea but how?

Alex

Lets go back there now?

Noel

Fine! Come on quick!

QUICK-CUT to the back ally

All the characters approach the back ally with caution

Noel

There’s nothing here!

Alex

Keep looking there must be something

Barry

Even the football crowd have gone there’s just no explanation for this

Police Officer approaches the group of lads

Police Officer 1

So what are you boys doing down here?

Noel

Aren’t you the one that told us to go away before? What happened to the football fans?

Police Officer 1

Football fans? I have no idea what you are on about

Barry

Yea there was a big riot before we saw it?

Police Officer 1

Well you’re clearly on drugs or something as it’s all been quiet

Alex

No seriously!

Police Officer 1

Now there’s nothing happened now can you please go home or go somewhere else apart from hanging around the streets and in ally ways

Noel

Fine lets go back to mine

 QUICK-CUT back to Noels’ house

Barry

Well it can only be one thing then…

Alex

Go on….

Barry

We teleported or somehow used some sort of unrealistic power

Noel

Impossible!

Alex

It might sounds like a load of bollocks but he has got a point, how else could we have got from there to here without even walking?

Noel

There will be something!

Alex

I saw this show once where something like this happened and they all had different ‘powers’

Noel

‘Powers’?!  You’re making us sound like we’re Batman and Robin!  Grow up

Alex

Really? Well watch that

Alex picks up a lighter from the table and throws it straight at Noels’ head

Noel

Oww! What do you think you’re doing you dickhead?!

Noel then gets up going to attack Alex just as he does…

QUICK-CUT to Alexs’ to a small bedroom which is Alex’s bedroom

Alex

Where am I?  This is my room!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house where him and Barry are sat there

Barry

He has gone again?! It must be him

Noel

Wow now I am starting to believe your rubbish, quick ring him!

Barry gets his mobile phone out to ring Alex

QUICK-CUT back to Alexs’ house

His phone is ringing in his pocket which he rushes to get

Alex

Hello, you will never believe it!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house

Barry

Where are you?!

QUICK-CUT back to Alexs’ house

Alex

Back in my house I did it again! It’s me I must be able to do it!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house

Barry

Get back round here then!

QUICK-CUT back to Alexs’ house

Alex

I can’t control it I don’t know how it happens?!

QUICK-CUT back to Noel’s house

Barry

Well Walk

QUICK-CUT back to Alex’s house

Alex

Right I’ll be back round in a bit

QUICK-CUT to Noels’ house

Noel

Well if he can do something I’m sure we can

Barry

I think it has something to do with that light!

Noel

Yea not a bad thought! What do we do?  Go out still hi the town

Barry

Yeah! Still would be good I’m up for it as it’s a Saturday

Alex comes into the room

Alex

You see it lads?! I was here then I was gone

Noel

Yea we saw! That doesn’t mean I still won’t smack you

Alex

That’s what it must be at the minute when I’m in danger I move places somehow! 

Noel

Just shows how much of a wimp you are!

Alex

Shut up I don’t see you doing anything special

Noel

You never know in time anyway coming town?  See what happens there you never know you might be disappearing all the time with the sight of girls

Alex

Aha very funny! And Yeah I will do

Noel

Lets see what magic we’re in for tonight…

TV Show Dramas Research

 Heroes Season 1 Episode 1

After watching the first ten minutes from the episode i have already seen lots f different story lines, characters, locations and seen how the storyline is developing. 

Characters -Peter Petrelli, Dr Suresh, Noah Bennet, Nicki, Claire and Nathan

Locations - New York, India classroom and apartment, Las Vegas in a house and Texas. 

Story Lines - Peter thinks he has some sort of power, also hints of romance between him and Simone.  Dr. Suresh who finds out his father has been killed and discovers his dads research on powers.  Nicki has no money has two men chasing her probably over debts.  Claire jumps off a bridge not damaging herself or any bone in her body. 

The characters all perform differently most are very suspicious and act in a way that makes us ask enigmas. 

The Inbetweeners Season 3 Episode 2

After watching the first ten min minutes of The Inbetweeners Season 3 Episode 2.  I have already seen different story lines, characters, locations and seen how the TV show is developing. 

Characters - Will, Jay, Simon, Neil, Jay's dad, Tara, Donovan and Will's mum

Locations - Caravan in England, local housing estate, School and Will's house

Story lines - All four characters main aim is to attract girls, Simon has a new girlfriend and decides to go to a gig with her and the other three main characters.  They also all are intending to take drugs to make themselves seem 'cool' and show off. 

Performance - Each main characters acts in a different way, firstly they all act like school children as that's what they are playing on the stereotypical teenagers.  Will acts smart and likes to dictate the group.  Neil acts stupid and is the dopey character in the show.  Simon is obsessed with girls and the performance shows this with the awkwardness with girls.  Jay likes to lie and performs in a way the audience can tell he is lying  The language also used throughout is directed at a younger target audience.